2008-08-20T17:22:43Z Me Copyright 2008, Me SPHPBLOG It's spring time, the begining of a new day, a new life for all the plants and wildlife, including us. It's that time of year we go out in our gardens and start the never ending tasks of caring for all of mother natures own. That is except for us. It seems we humans are quite the same as the various plants we seed, plant and grow for the next 6 months or so.
I just wished it work for me as it does our flowers, vegi's and other various plants. I figured if I start out easy, slow and constant that I'd be able to handle things as in years past. But my body thinks other wise I guess. I hurt so bad when i attempt to do some of the most easiest and unstressful tasks it isn't funny. Now, as of today, just being on my feet for even a short period of time, my body starts screaming at me to stop. The simplest of things, as in walking up the ramp and avoiding stairs takes a toll on my back, hips and knees. It doesn't mean I just stop doing those things, but I need a better way to accomplish things I've taken for granted.
From getting out of bed in the morning, just the task alone of getting out of the bed is hell. Then I have to make it to the door to get out of the bedroom. That's a challenge! If I have cramps in my feet, I don't think of anything else but getting rid of the cramps and the only way to do that is to walk somehow. After the first 30 minutes to an hour, things usually start to ease up and get back to normal, whatever that may be.
Ever since my new doctor at the Saginaw VA Hospital started to change my medications. My BP has gone up, down, sideways and back. I've never had my feet swell up before, especially as bad as they did. All because of a change in a prescription for my BP.
But, what I really don't understand is how it is a person can be in pain some times excrusiating pain, even while they are already medicated. Whether it's via a patch, or a pill, the medication is among the strongest there is for pain relief. And yet, there are days you wonder if you've taken anything.
I can't imagine how others deal with their pain, it's something only we ourselves can understand and try to explain to all the different doctor's and others you see.
You'd think that after 15 years of going through this that you'd have a better idea and understanding of all thats wrong and ways to work around it in order to make life more comfortable. Granted they give you every contraption there is to allow you to care for yourself better. There's nothing like taking care of yourself and being able to go here, there and where ever it is you need to go,for yourself and by yourself. That is the ultimate goal. Self sustained. Just because I am disabled doesn't mean I can't take care of myself, can't do things for myself that others assume that I can't. It may take a little longer, it may take a little more strength, or even be creative, in getting something done, but it gets done.
]]> http://darkstarz.com/pblog/index.php?entry=entry080407-183131 2008-04-08T00:00:00Z 2008-04-08T00:00:00Z Early last month the "New Laws" were voted on and won overhelmingly all around the world,it was just a matter of "when" the new laws would take affect to reverse the downfall and near extinction of races all aound the world. The United Alliance of Women (UAW)would soon be in control of everything and everywhere to bring back our life line, and ourselves. Soon babies will once againn start being born. Hospitals from around the world are starting to prepare for when the first 9 months have passed and new life once agains returns to enlighten and ensure that our future and people will go on for more years to come.
For over 40 years there has been a stop in child bearing around the world in responce to all the religious and nuclear fighting and destruction going on. A group of women who met online formed a group, the United Alliance of Women, to protest and put an end to all the killings and wars worldwide. Those who were forced, committed suicide to terminate the prognancy, no woman was giving in, and entire coutries have lost businesses and services and some nations / races have simply gone away. The female group, UAW, made the same demands year after year after year, and were turned away everytime. Everytime there'd be another race about to be extinct. In the 40 plus years that this "protest" has existed, women were starting to make more and more progress in the workplace,small and large businesses.What they didn't own they managed and controlled. After 40 years women have finally managed to take control, at the risk of wiping out mankind as a whole. Not one person left, anywhere. The world will never be the same again, it could be good, or it could be bad, there's no telling. The one thing that is for sure is our people will rise again one day soon. A new sunrise, a birth and the sunset, 3 of the most wonderful naturally beautiful things in existence.
]]> http://darkstarz.com/pblog/index.php?entry=entry080328-183828 2008-03-29T00:00:00Z 2008-03-29T00:00:00Z I would not wish this on anyone, no matter who they are, it's a type of torture that should never be experienced in any lifetime. I have been dealing with this for over 15 years now, and every so many months it gets worse, and worse. It brings tears to my eyes more than I'd like to admit, sometimes daily. I am not sure how I make it through some days to be honest. On those days I would rather be knocked out, totally unconsious, or so drugged up that I could stand. If it wasn't for the medications, Fentanyl 100 mcg, and the morphine for break through pain, I couldn't keep going from day to day. I only hope that there is going to be a cure somewhere down the road that for anyone suffering from day to day like this will be as pain free as possible. But when there are multiple problems that surgery or replacement will only cure for a short time, if at all, you only have your dreams and hopes to go by. What good is having something lessened for what will be only a short time, if any at all, knowing that you are going to be back where you started from. It's like being doped up to the max until it no longer has the same affect as it did at the begining. It's no different then going from the Fentanyl 75 mcg to the 100 mcg, it makes a difference when you first start it, but then after a period of time, you're back to where you were. Simply put, this shit sucks more than anything. It's bad enough knowing that I won't be able to do what I did even 6 months ago, but having to accept it and go on as if it was nothing is a bit more difficult thatn I imagined. It was like when I was on my way home from a doctor appointment after the doctor told me that there was nothing they could do, that I was going to have to find a way to learn to live with it, and expect it to only worsen as time goes on. That was the first time I broke down and started crying. All I could think about was all the things I'd never be able to do again, possibly even walk my daughters down the aisle for their wedding, or go for walks and other simple everyday activities with my wife. It was very hard to accept then, and now, for some reason, I am still having a hard time accepting it as it seems to progress from day to day. There is so much in life I plan on doing with my wife, so much to enjoy spending our time together, places to go, things to do.
As they say, where there is a will, there is a way, I don't know how I am going to make it happen, but some how, some way I have to find that answer.
]]> http://darkstarz.com/pblog/index.php?entry=entry080217-175258 2008-02-18T00:00:00Z 2008-02-18T00:00:00Z The wife was totally taken aback by my new doctor, a very personable individual that said right off the bat "I'm here to work for you, you tell me what you need and I'ff get it for you." And he did just that. I felt sorry for him at the end of our appoint ment because he was so new he didn't know or unserstand the VA's computer system and it was locked up on him. But he is one heck of a doctor. He changed my Blood Pressure meds to something different as he found that it worked better, increased my Fentanyl patch to the last increase available, 100mcg, stopped the darvocet and gave me the low dosage of morphone for break through pain. Thank God! It has been so bad over the past 6 months at least that it brought me to tears many times. I would wake up in the middle of the night in pain but there was nothing I could do. I tried the darvocets but they had little affect. So I'd sit there until I was so exhausted I'd either fall asleep in my chair or barely make it back to bed.
It's so hard to talk about the pain, mainly because you can't explain it in away that someone could easily understand. I have tried many times and feel as if the words just went on by the doctors with little to no understanding. My wife has a good idea because she sees me go through it. She feels bad because there's nothing she can do either but watch, and wait for the next round to hit. I would easily compare my pain to Fibromyalga and more. It's a pain that doesn't just go muscle deep, but down in to the bones. It's not just a stabbing, sharp pain, but a hot, stinging pain like being stabbed with a redhot knife. It alternates from that into what feels like someone pulling at your muscles, trying to rip them off your bones. There's so many different feelings and combinations, how do you explain it so its understood. The family has no clue the efforts I go through from day to day. They are all to engulfed in to their own lives and such, it doesn't really matter. I can't see trying to tell my daughters anymore then what they already know, for pretty much the same reason. You can see the look in their eyes as if they were saying "ok, so what am I suppose to do?" Nothing... absolutely nothing, other than try to understand what I have to go through on a daily basis is all.
If it wasn't for my wife, I don't know what or where I'd be right now. She has been a source of comfort, understanding, and support more than one could ask for. One day, I hope and pray that I can do something for her to show her just how much I love her and to thank her for all she does day to day. I think that's one of the reasons why I haven't tried to explain to her how much worse the pain has really gotten, how much more difficult it has gotten to do things I had no problem doing before. it's hard because she has so much to do now as it is just to keep up the house, let alone take care of me more than before. So I suck it up and go on, where there is a will, there is a way, and if there's a way, I'll find it. I am so looking forward to spring time when we both go out in the yard and start getting things cleaned up and planted, moving a few plants here and there, sitting on the deck at the end of a long day admiring our own piece of paradise. A paradise that we created together, side by side, step by step. I would have to say that she is the real reason I keep pushing myself to get by the bad days, even if they are one after another anymore. She is my sunshine, my rock of Gibralter, my light at the end of the tunnel. She really is my everything.]]> http://darkstarz.com/pblog/index.php?entry=entry080216-171111 2008-02-17T00:00:00Z 2008-02-17T00:00:00Z It is one of the coldest nights of this winter, with stong winds and windchill temps below -20 outside. You are sitting with your spouse watching an awards show you've been eager to see for some time when all of a sudden the tv go blank. You switch channels and there's nothing on any channel, so you know cable went out. The husband goes out to check the cable lines to the house to make sure they were still ok before you call the cable company. After about 20 minutes or so the husband still hasn't come back inside, so the wife goes to look out the windows to see if she can see what he's doing but can't see him anywhere. She puts on her coat and boots and heads out the garage door and finds him laying on the garage floor as he never made it outside. She of course panicks, checks to see if he is still breathing, can hear a faint breathe and runs back inside to call 911. Only when she picks up the phone to dial, there is no tone or anything. The phone is totally dead. She's really in a panic now, what is she going to do, they told her she'd never have to worry about the phone not working since it was going through the cable service. If the power went out, the phone router has a backup battery connected to it so it would still work. So why doesn't it work? In a panic the wife runs a quarter mile down the road to the nearest neighbors house to use their phone to call 911, but they to were using cable phone service and their phone wasn't working either. By the time she gets to someone with a phone and makes the call and gets back and the emergency help arrives, it's too late. She lost her husband.

Do not be fooled by the fantastic pricing and all the "extra's" that come with the cable phone service. If you cannot afford to have a cell phone or other means of contacting someone in case of an emergency, this is exactly what can happen to you. So when you think about it really the price for the cable phone service along with the price for a cell phone service on top of it is a lot more expensive than the normal phone service used for years on end. Not many people these days can afford to pay their bills as it is let alone having to pay extra for a back up phone service for the phone service you just signed up for through cable.

My wife was completely convinced by the sales pitch from our local cable service that we'd never be without phone service even in bad storms when the power went out. That and all the added extras of caller ID, call waiting, etc., etc., that came with the phone service including free long distance calling couldn't be compared to our old phone service. That was until tonight. Just minutes before the Grammy Awards show was to start, the cable went dead. Much to her surprise when she went to call the cable company the phone wasn't working either, imagine that. Personally I couldn't see how the phone could work when cable service went out since the phone was going over or through the cable service in the first place. I'm also glad we don't have any emergency situation like described above. But I am glad I still have cell phone service and after tonight, I plan on keeping it. Even when we are able to call the cable service and regualr phone service to cancel the one and restart the other I'll keep my cell phone service for some time.

To sum things up, if you can't afford to pay for cable phone service and a back up phone service at the same time, stay away from the cable phone service until you can or they come up with a means of getting around this very major problem. Don't take the chance of losing a loved one, your home, or any other major disaster, it's just not worth it. If you need a cheap way of making long distance phone calls, go buy a PrePaid phone card instead. ]]> http://darkstarz.com/pblog/index.php?entry=entry080210-182247 2008-02-11T00:00:00Z 2008-02-11T00:00:00Z When the opportunity arose, on my 18th birthday, I decided to make a difference in my life, and get away from the things that were holding me down. I joined the Marine Corp in December 1974 and left for boot camp a few weeks later. But, even with all the physical conditioning, confidence building and self determination, I was only able to get my weight up to 125 at the max. And that's all that happened. No problem with self confidence, and feeling good about myself, proud of what I had become and accomplished, and able to handle anything that came my way, except for gaining weight. I even tried all the weight gain drinks and powders and whatever else there was, but I just wasn't getting anywhere. After so many years I kind of gave up the thought of ever being able to gain weight.
Once I lost my stomach and other digestive parts, my weight fell down to 95 lbs. This really set me back, and because I only had 1/4th of my stomach left, the doctor said it wouldn't be able to stretch out, and I had to totally change my diet, I gave up any idea of ever being able to gain weight let alone do anything else since I am also a disabled veteran with major spine and back issues. I talked to dieticians, doctors, anyone and everyone that I could find to see if there was anything at all they could help me at least put on a few pounds. Not to mention the non-stop dumping issues I had to deal with day to day. It was like talking to the walls around me, never getting any answer.
Just over 4 months ago, September 2007, I had an appointment with a stomach specialist at the Ann Arbor VAMC. The wife thought it's just be another waste of time, as with all the past appointments and doctor's we've been to ove the years. But to our surprise, the intern that was doing my workup said there might be something to help. There is this medication called Megestrol Acetate that they give to cancer and other patients to help with their appetites. Not expecting much of anything to come from it, we headed back home and the medication arrived in the mail a few days later.
Now I can't say what happened, or how it's possible, but what ever this medication is, to me it's a miracle. Within a couple of weeks I was putting on weight, and can't explain what happened to the major dumping that went along with every meal I would eat. granted I still have to watch what and how much I eat, but in the 4 months that I've been using the Megestrol Acetate I have put on 40 lbs. I've gone from 105 lbs to 146 lbs, the most I've ever weighed in my entire life, roughly 52 years!
Whatever this stuff is and does, I don't want to stop taking it. I have never seen results like this, and probsably never will again. The only drawback, in a way, is now I have to go buy all new clothes because none of the clothes Ihave will fit me anymore. I am totallly amazed, impressed, and thankful. I only wish that someone would have thought of this years ago after my operation and attempts to find help everywhere I went.
]]> http://darkstarz.com/pblog/index.php?entry=entry080116-143735 2008-01-16T00:00:00Z 2008-01-16T00:00:00Z I cannot understand why every bill that is brought up to be voted on has bribery connected to it in one fashion or another. If the Democrats need some additional Republican support, or even full support of their own party, they have to bribe them by adding items within the bill that benefit those they need to obtaina the vote from. Some call it Pork fat, or something similar, where in all honesty, it is a form of bribery, and they do this with any and every bill regardless of the outcome to the people and our service members who have voted them in to office in the first place.
There should be a law in place where a bill should only contain the wording and intent in it that it is actually for, not having additional "perks" included somewhere mixed in the writing of the bills. We voted these people into office under the belief that they were there to do what's right for us, the people of America, the ones that were supposedly setting the example for other nations to follow and believe in. Instead our so called elected officials are teaching other nations just how low, and thoughtless towards others they really are.
How can we expect other nations to embrace and strive for freedom and democracy from a nation that is no better than a bunch of liars, theives and bribers, that only say what you want to hear in order to get in to office and make a name and money for themselves instead of "For the people, by the people!"
It's time we all wake up, face the truth, take a damn good look at what our government is like and do something about it.
]]> http://darkstarz.com/pblog/index.php?entry=entry071228-154339 2007-12-28T00:00:00Z 2007-12-28T00:00:00Z
This makes no sense to me. But, this being the case for the Democrats, I say to hell with all of you, stay out of our state, you don't deserve to come here let alone be our President. Just because someone wanted to move a date to an earlier time frame means that all the Democrats, and people in general, are banned from participating in the DNC, as well as be denied to hear from the so-called Presidential Candidates. But, mind you, other states are more deserving of having earlier dates because it's been that way and they don't want anyone to take their time in the spotlight because they are something special. They are about as special as a pile of crap and no longer make up the variety of people in the US in order to make any so called predictions. It's all about money, greed, money, greed, money, greed, get the picture?

I am NOT a Democrat by any means. Nor am I a Republican. What I am is an American, with the freedom of choice. To choose who I want to be the President of our country, and lead us in to a more prosperous, trusted and respected nation, of the people, for the people, regardless of race, religion or gender. And at this point in the game of politics, I see no one on either side that is capable of doing this, at least they haven't shown it. And now that many are refusing to come to our state, we will never have that opportunity to find out.

My only hope is that somehow, somewhere, there will be a real Presidential candidate that steps in to the picture to give us all something to look forward to, a chance for a better and brighter future for the USA.
]]> http://darkstarz.com/pblog/index.php?entry=entry071202-110213 2007-12-02T00:00:00Z 2007-12-02T00:00:00Z

The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,
I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight.
My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,
My daughter beside me, angelic in rest.

Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,
Transforming the yard to a winter delight.
The sparkling lights in the tree I believe,
Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve.

My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep,
Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep.
In perfect contentment, or so it would seem,
So I slumbered, perhaps I started to dream.

The sound wasn't loud, and it wasn't too near,
But I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear.
Perhaps just a cough, I didn't quite know,
Then, the sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.

My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear,
And I crept to the door just to see who was near.
Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,
A lone figure stood, his face weary and tight.

A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old,
Perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold.
Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled,
Standing watch over me, and my wife and my child.

"What are you doing?" I asked without fear,
"Come in this moment, it's freezing out here!
Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve,
You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!"

For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift,
Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts..
To the window that danced with a warm fire's light
Then he sighed and he said "Its really all right,
I'm out here by choice. I'm here every night."

"It's my duty to stand at the front of the line,
That separates you from the darkest of times.
No one had to ask or beg or implore me,
I'm proud to stand here like my fathers before me.
My Gramps died at Pearl on a day in December,"
Then he sighed, "That's a Christmas 'Gram always remembers."

My dad stood his watch in the jungles of 'Nam,
And now it is my turn and so, here I am.
I've not seen my own son in more than a while,
But my wife sends me pictures, he's sure got her smile.

Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,
The red, white, and blue... an American flag.
I can live through the cold and the being alone,
Away from my family, my house and my home.

I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet,
I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat.
I can carry the weight of killing another,
Or lay down my life with my sister and brother..

Who stand at the front against any and all,
To ensure for all time that this flag will not fall."
"So go back inside," he said, "harbor no fright,
Your family is waiting and I'll be all right."

"But isn't there something I can do, at the least,
Give you money," I asked, "or prepare you a feast?
It seems all too little for all that you've done,
For being away from your wife and your son."

Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret,
"Just tell us you love us, and never forget.
To fight for our rights back at home while we're gone,
To stand your own watch, no matter how long.

For when we come home, either standing or dead,
To know you remember we fought and we bled.
Is payment enough, and with that we will trust,
That we mattered to you as you mattered to us."

PLEASE, Would you do me the kind favor of sending this to as many people as you can? Christmas will be coming soon and some credit is due to our U.S. service men and women for our being able to celebrate these festivities. Let's try in this small way to pay a tiny bit of what we owe. Make people stop and think of our heroes, living and dead, who sacrificed themselves for us.

LCDR Jeff Giles, SC, USN
30th Naval Construction Regiment
OIC, Logistics Cell One
Al Taqqadum, Iraq
]]> http://darkstarz.com/pblog/index.php?entry=entry071130-162924 2007-12-01T00:00:00Z 2007-12-01T00:00:00Z For me, it's a bit differen this year. The wife and I are still planning on our traditional Thanksgiving dinner, with all the fixings we lke to have with it. Oh, and the desserts as well! But, like so many others we'll be having it without our family. For us, our kids have grown into adults, and have their own life to live and memories to make for themselves. But then there's many other families that won't be sharing the holiday with their loved ones because they are somewhere else in the world, on duty, in harms way, just like any other day they wake up.
Our troops, our mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, aunts and uncles, loved ones and childhood friends, are out in the world serving our country. They serve us Freedom, freedom to wake up each day and decide what it is we want to do that day, because we have that freedom to do just that. Somewhere out there a service member is walking a fine line between death, and making it back to camp, safe and sound, only to get up the next day and do it all over again. When they wake up on Thanksgiving morning, they don't smell those same cooking and baking odors we do. Instead, they smell diesel fuel, gun powder, and the stench from the surrounding villages, towns and cities that don't have proper plumbing to carry the waste to a treatment plant. It's been that way for years now, ever since it was blown up and made unrepairable due to bombs of all kinds, both friendly and enemy.
When they wake up Thanksgiving morning their thoughts are going to be of "who's next today, will it be this person, that person, will it be me?" As they eat their breakfast and sip on some coffee, their minds flee for a moment back to the days of being home, with family and loved ones, the smell of the turkey cooking in the oven, of pumpkin pies and all the fixings. They can see and smell it just as if they were there, until they hear the order to "Lets Move out soldiers!" Suddenly, the memories are gone, and reality sits back in, and you wonder once again, who will it be today.....
These people, these Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, Marines and the Coast Guard are no different than you and I, except for one thing. They decided to do something for their country and countrymen, they volunteered a portion of their lives to do whatever it took to serve "us all!" Regardless of who you are, what your color, race or religion is, whether or not you believe in God or something or someone else, so that we can still wake up each day and decide.... "what do I want to do today?"
I wish there was a way for everyone, young or old, to feel the same experience our service members feel every day they awake, whether it's in harms way or back on base stateside. To feel the thrill, excitement and the pride of being able to serve their country, as well as the fear, lonliness and despair of not knowing from day to day if they'll still be here. But, they do it, without question, without pause or hesitation, because it's their duty, it's what they are there for, to gaurd and defend our great country, as well as the citizens of other countries struggling to make a better life for their families as well.
I wish that this Thanksgiving everyone would take time to stop, and listen with your heart, take a moment of silence to think about our brave and dedicated service members making our way of life possible. Take a moment to thank the mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles and loved ones that have made that ultimate sacrifice, so we can wake up each morning as every morning, and decide what we want to do that day. It's something that we take for granted all to much, so please, take a little bit of that time, and offer a heart felt "Thank you!"
]]> http://darkstarz.com/pblog/index.php?entry=entry071121-161747 2007-11-22T00:00:00Z 2007-11-22T00:00:00Z