Have I mentioned... 
Friday, May 26, 2006, 01:38 AM
Have I mentioned that I really hate the high humidity, and how painful and uncomfortable life is when the humidity and dew point are up there! It literally sux.
It wouldn't be so bad if it was just a one day deal, but no.... it has to go on, and on and on. I don't get in to see my VA doc until June 7th, and can only hope I last that long. I am not sure what to do until then, actually, there isn't anything that I can do but wait to be honest. Just wish it didn't have to take so long. In the mean time I have to do something about the pain, so I have no choice but to use what I have on hand.
Hoping our cucumber plants make it. We planted them a few daya ago and of all things, we had 2 days where the temperatures dropped to freezing. It's hard to tell at the time so we planted some seeds in a mound type planting in the back garden. We've got 6 tomato plants, oh my, and some green beans in the back along with the asparagus and now cucumbers. The wife wanted to plant the bell and banana pepper's up in the front garden, we've got about 12 plants maybe, being green, red and banana pepper's. A few are mixed in with the flowers and such so it'll be interesting to see how it turns out.
I'm tired, I hurt and I don't want to go to bed because I know I have to wake up in the morning and deal with the pain all over again and it's always fricking worse in the morning. Oh well, life must go on I guess.......

Ann Arbor VAMC 
Friday, May 19, 2006, 02:12 AM
Well it was a definite long day, the trip down the Ann Arbor VAMC to see the Pain Management clinic was almost a waste of time. Or so we we're told at first, only to find out in the end that it was the right thing to do. Their recommendation was for me to get off the morphine pills and stay with the Fentanyl patch, increasing it to the max doage of 100 mcg/hr. They don't think the morphine pills are getting fully in to the system because of my stomach problem. But also to put me on a pill to sleep at night and another for depression that will help motivate me some. Not that I need motivation, but more along the lines of giving the body the sleep it desperately needs, and relaxing the body and mind together I guess. I sure as hell aint depressed, but a bit tired of taking narcotics for so many fricking years. But, they also want me to stay active, do a lot of stretching and such as it's important for the bones and muscles to get the needed exercise. It's not as if I don't try and stay active, I can gaurantee that, and so can other's. But I admit, I don't stretch as often as they say I should. So I'll definitely give it a shot. Otherwise, if I can't get relief just from the damn patch, then it's on to liquid morphine. All I can say is HELL NO!
I'm tired of taking so many pills and narcotics. I'm tired of dealing with the pain, but I am at a loss as to what else to do. They also suggested some Yoga, which may not be a bad idea. Like I said, I'm to the point I'll try anything. With arthritis eating away at my body, Osteoparosis and such, I need all the help I can get, and anyway I can get it.
There'll be no more partying for me though. Sorry to say in a way, but when I have to chose between one or the other, being pain or no pain, I am all for the no pain, or even less pain. I want to make it another 40 years at least, so whatever its going to take, I'm willing to try. I just want some real relief. But, I haven't really been partying either so there is no loss there.

uuggghhhh..... 
Thursday, May 18, 2006, 02:35 PM
It's going to be a hellacious day when it comes to pain and endurance. Have to head down the the Ann Arbor VA Medical Center in a couple of hours so I can get my pain meds from the VA. They are the only place close with a Pain Management clinic, since they closed the one in Saginaw a while back. I can't afford ro pay for the damn stuff even with other medical coverage as I'm already at the max they'll cover for the entire year. Go figure! Hopefully I'll have everything they need, or they'll have everything they'll need I should say. I just hope it goes smooth, with out any hassles. Don't care about taking the drug test, I expect it in fact, so no biggie there. That seems to be the one common link between all Pain Management clinics you go to, to make sure you aren't taking any street drugs or other drugs you're not being prescribed.
The weather hasn't been helping a whole lot either. Cold, rain, the damp chill gets inthe bones and stays there. I'm hoping that it doesn't rain on the way down there and at the least halfway back home. Cheryl doesn't like driving in the rain at all, even less so when we are on the expressway.
Don't know if they'll keep me on the same meds, or give me something different. Just hope that they gove me something that will work for alonger period of time, or is a little more stronger that it takes more away even if only for a certain period of time. As long as it works and I don't have to drive 50 plus miles oneway every month to pick up the stupid prescription. I just want relief with out having to give an arm and a leg for it every month.

Helpless 
Tuesday, May 16, 2006, 12:41 AM
I felt totally helpless this morning when I woke up and tried to get out of bed. I couldn't do it. It isn't the first time it's happened, but it's the first time in a long time. Yet, this time it was totally different. I couldn't use my left leg. I couldn't turn over on to my side to roll out of bed. I hurt so bad in the left hip it brought tears to my eyes and I was afraid I wouldn't be able to get control of it. Cheryl had to help me sit up straight on the side of the bed and even that was difficult for me. It took a long time, a good hour after taking a muscle relaxer, Darvocet and a morphine pill, one right after the other, before the pain started to go away.
All day my right side of my back and shoulder area has been killing me. I have tried to stay as active as possible, stumbling around the house as much as I could. I didn't and still don't want to stop. I am even more afriad of going to bed tonight now. If things were this bad this morning, what does tomorrow morning hold for me, will it be better or worse?
Can't do much now, just hope that my appointment at the VA Pain Management clinic in Ann Arbor on Thursday goes well and they can put me on a regimen that will work and eliminate the pain more so than it is now.

Happy Mother's Day! 
Sunday, May 14, 2006, 03:51 PM
Happy Mother's Day mom! If only you were here to enjoy it with us, it would be so.... awesome! But, it's been over 20 years now since she passed on to a much more peaceful and beautiful place then here.
But, life goes on and so must we. My thoughts, and prayer's go out to all the mother's now serving in the military and especially those serving overseas away from family and friends. We all hope and pray that you'll be home soon.
But, to all the other Mother's, near and far, may you have a very wonderful,loving, caring and thoughtful day in which you can relax and enjoy. Without you, we wouldn't be here today ourselves, since someone had to bring us in to this world. Who knows, in time, you may not need males in order to reproduce, and can keep us around as personal slaves instead! Not unlike some do today. <grin>
OK, it's time for me to wake up from this nightmare and come back to reality...... yep, life is still the same, still sux! No changes made in my momentary lapse of sanity thankfully.


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