it only seems to be worse as time goes .... 
Monday, October 16, 2006, 11:43 PM
The more I sit back and watch, and listen, the more I feel for my fellow veterans, both home and abroad, the inactive and active, the living and the dead, and then, I shed a tear. One of those abroad is my own daughter, though at the time she is not in Iraq or Afghanistan, thankfully.
But it doesn't matter, because there is a problem, a real problem with the current situation for our brothers, sisters, mothers and fathers, relatives and friends that are overseas fighting a war we were blindly led in to, if blindly is even the best word to use. As a veteran myself I respect every one of the men and women serving in our Armed Forces, regardless of what branch of service they are in. They have volunteered in one way or another to do what others can't or won't do, and that's to defend our nation, and our way of life. To watch over us while we eat, sleep, work and play and do whatever it is we want to do. They are out there obeying the orders given to them by thier leaders, all the way up to our president. And if there is any doubt of what they are ordered to do, they first obey that order, and ask questions later, regardless ofwhat the order is, or who gives that order, because they are soldiers, Marines, sailors and airmen, as well as guardsmen, who have all sworn an oath to do just that.
But I am bothered by others in thier chain of command who have also given an oath, and are sworn to protect and serve our great country, that have broken that oath in one fashion or another, wether intended or not. They have provided misinformation, and have basically sent literally hundreds and thousands of our proud and true countrymen and women to thier deaths, when they didn't have to. Yet, they don't have the courage or strength in themselves to admit thier mistakes, let alone try to undo what they have done. Instead, they simply state 3 words over and over again, because they don't have the courage to admit thier mistakes. Instead, they simply say "stay the course." And in saying that, they are simply saying, "keep dying for me because I can't admit I made a mistake." Or, "it's ok that you've lost your arm, leg or eye sight, as long as I don't have to admit I made a mistake." And to the little children waiting at home day after day, "It's the best thing that we can do, we must Stay the Course, so that we don't have to admit we were wrong, that we made some misjudgment, and wrongfully started all this mess in the first place, your parents or loved ones could be killed at any moment, but, we don't have to admit we made any kind of mistake."
I wonder, if there will ever be a day when those responsible for all the suffering and losses will ever be man enough, or have the strength and courage of those they sent in to harms way, to admit they were wrong, admit they made mistakes and poor judgment, and take full responsibility for what they've done, and continue to do to this day? It's kind of doubtful since they can't be re-elected, which is a blessing in disguise actually.
Maybe one day, sometime in the future, those that suffered in Vietnam will receive the apology they so deserve from the governemnt that betrayed them, and those at home that mistreated and berated them for following the same orders they were given as those serving today are doing just like them.
But I know it's asking to much for the truth to be told and admitted to by those who consider themselves higher, and better, then the rest of us.

This is how it goes..... 
Wednesday, October 4, 2006, 01:46 AM
It starts out with a feeling of being really tired, worn out from the days events. Then its more like being exhausted as the night goes, to the point you're ready to fall in to bed and just pass out. Then, when it's time, you're there, in bed, looking forward to the nights long awaited rest, relaxation and sleep you've been waiting all day for. Suddenly, after 2 hours of a solid sleep, youfind yourself awaoken by your legs constant movement, like a nervous twitch. No matter what you do, youcan't shake the feeling, it's like taking speed, you have to move your legs, then your arms, and you can't stop.Finally after about a half-hour, you're up and out of bed, heading out to the living room, trying to get rid of that feeling, the need to move constantly, only it's not just your legs, it's your arms as well. You feel it in your whole body, yet, you're tired still, not just tired, but totally exhauseted.Worn down to a frazzle that you can't think of anything but that nervous, gotta move, gotta stretch, need to do something to get it out of your system. After 2 hours of what could be considered a physical workout from the need to move, shake, stretch, push, pull, flex every muscle in your arms and legs then your whole body, you're beyond exhaustion. Instead of falling asleep, you actually pass out. Then like clock work, an hour later, it's back, only now it's more intense. You wouldn't think it'd be possible to be any worse than what you just went through, but it is. It's then, and only then, that you realize what your going through. Like a light bulb being turned on, you see the problem as plain as day. You're going through withdrawals and there's not a thing you can do to stop it now, it's to late, it's gone to far, there's noturning back at this point. There's no hope of making it to the morning with any rest at this point. Not, unless you have something to cure the withdrawls with, do you stand a chance of beating this.
This isn't the first time I've been down this road, nor do I suspect it to be my last. I'm not a addict, at least not what most think of anyways. I'm not a dealer, nor am I a loser. I'm a disabled veteran who happens to recieve all his treatmrnt from the VA for the past 13 years. I have been a patient for their Pain Management for the past 6 years, and up until 2 years ago, never had a problem. But, once things started to change more drastically within the system, more cuts, more losses of doctors, nurses and medical personnel and less money to provide medical treatment for increasong numbers of veterans, when you are allowed only 20 minutes tops to see a doctor for whatever you need, thing shave really gone to hell. Certain medications can't be written with ongoing refills. They (narcotics precisely) have to be written each month by your doctor, where as it is your responsibility to call and remind the doctor 10 days before its due they need to submit your refill so you can get them in time.
It's a broken system that doesn't work, and hasn't worked since it started. I have had to go without medications for days and even weeks, because the doctor either forgot, didn't have the time, or simply ignored the reminder to submit your prescription for processing. At this time, I am on the Fetanyl patch, along a few other medications for the pain management, and of course it started out fine, but as before, I ended up going over 10 days without it because the doctor first thought they did it, then just didn't do it for what ever reason, and there's nothing that I can do about it, but suffer the consequences as shown above. This is what veterans have to go through, regardless of what they may have done for their country, the sacrifices they have made, the losses they have suffered and have endured, for what? To be ignored because the government doesn't care about the medical treatment they get, the doctors who are so overloaded with patients that they can't do their job properly. I have a lot of respect for the medical personnel at the VA medical centers, most if not all try to do their best, but they can only do so much, with the so little they have to work with, moany of whom just up and leave to start their own practice elsewhere because they can't do the job they are hired to do, let alone get paid a reasonalbe amount of money. No matter how you look at it, it all leads back to one main location, the Federal Governemnt that makes all the decisions, decides who gets what and how much. Instead of providing a service to the veterans they send off to war to fight a battle they want fought, they'd rather provide millions and billions of dollars to their little Pork projects, that in turn fill their own pockets for their own personal greed.
Our government is broken, our lawmakers are selfish and blind to the real needs of the people they are suppose to be there working for. Yet, no one seems to care to much as it continues to happena nd go on day after day, death after death, loss after loss.

Religous beliefs 
Tuesday, September 19, 2006, 01:37 AM
Most people have a religion that they believe in, some more so than others and there are those that don't believe in any religion at all. But all should agree on one important thing, that we all have the right to believe in what we choose to believe in, regardless of what other's may or may not believe in or agree with.
In that, no one should ever speak down about another's religion or religous beliefs. It's a right of mankind, not just some people over others. Religion is a faith, a belief in something greater than mankind itself, and for some it's more than just a belief, but a way of life. Many eople, regardless of the religion, live their life according to their religous beliefs, day to day, and they believe that their religion is sacred. As it should be, for all, and for all religions, no matter what others may think. We must respect each other as we expect the same from them.
Whether we believe in a God, Prophet, or any spiritual being, we should respect those people that worship them, and how they go about doing so. If we are true believers in our higher authority, we would know that this is what they would say to us, and have said to us, both past and present. No religous leader, regardless of their authority or place in the lineage of religions, should ever disrespect another, no matter what the reason or cause. In doing so they not only disrespect that religion, but they disrespect a race of people, their families, and forefathers throughout the history of that religion, as well as their own. How do you change that? How can you change that? Why would a person want to do something like that in the first place? It's like opening the gates of hell upon mankind to do with us as it chooses. It's condeming other's to suffer needlessly for the action caused by one person, someone in a higher religous position that other's would normally go to for guidance and forgiveness. It's a shame, a total shame that one person can cause such chaos with so little effort.


It's a shame but it's true..... 
Saturday, September 2, 2006, 03:30 AM
The US has gone downhill in the same time period that technology has advanced. In watching a program tonight on TV about the schools inAmerica, it is a shame that our kids have to attend them. There are very few schools that really give a damn about the kids learning anything, even how to simply read a book. It'shard to believe that so many parents out there right now have no idea on how to read, write, or understand most of what they see and do from day to day. Their own parents no more and can do more than many of them and they didn't have the advanced technology, or even the means of getting an education as their children.
I don't blame the schools alone for thisproblem, I blame the parents of the children that are failing to learn, as well as the teachers that consistanly fail to teach those same children and more from year to year. Our school age children are so far behind so many other 3rd world countries it isn't funny. Places you'd never imagine that could have an educational system in the first place, put our own children to shame. They know more about our history, and many other countries, than our own children. Our shool system is so screwed up it isn't funny. All the teachers give a damn about is money and benefits, and not about really teaching. So much so, I bet more than half the teachers in the schools today couldn't pass their own tests on the subject matter they are suppose to teach.
We are so far behind other countries that it'll take more than a decade to catch up to just some of the others. When teachers started giving up control of their classroom's to the kids, and allowed parents to control how thier kids were to be treated for misbehavior, because they didn't have the intelligence to punish their child for doing something wrong, that's when our schools started to fail our children. When the government stated they would not let any child be left behind when it comes to an education, that's when they failed to act and follow through on their promises, and again failed ourchildren.
I wonder if our children will ever get the education they so badly need, have a right to, and deserve.


just another day... 
Saturday, August 26, 2006, 03:20 AM
Well another day has come and gone, and life goes on as it always does. No matter what we do, no matter where we go, life goes on, as it always does. It's what we do and where we do it in the time we have that makes any difference in life each day. We can either go to bed feeling good for what we've done, or haven't done, said or haven't said, or we can go to bed wishing we would have done or said things different, and wonder what it would have changed or accomplished if we did it different. I try to go to bed every night feeling good for what I've accomplished each day and not worry about how it may be different if I would have done things different, because I do the best Ican, with what I have. And somedays I just don't do anything at all, and go to bed feeling good about that also, because we can only do so much and need to take time to sit back and look at life around us, and see what's going on, to see what life is has in store for us. Though, life doesn't always let us know what it has in store for us, no matter how hard we look and try to control it. As the saying goes.... sometimes, lifes a bitch! Every morning I wake up and can't even hold on to a cup of coffee because my hands hurt so fricking bad it isn't funny, and my body feel slike it's been hit by a truck, and can barely get my pills in the spliiter so I can take them, I think just that, lies a real bitch. Then I have my coffee, and think of what I want to do that day, what needs to be done first, and life just goes on......



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